I'm In A Polyamorous Relationship And Should Be Given The Right To Marry Too

One of the things that I've seen a lot of lately is articles covering the idea of giving polyamorous relationships the same rights as other relationships and allowing those within them to marry under the eyes of the law.

The Green Party in the UK are open to the idea of one day legalising multi-partner marriages, and this has created a lot of talk, both for the idea and against.

The part of the debate that has sprung up that has really left me baffled, however, is the amount of members of the LGBT community who are condemning the idea.  Here is a group that is still very much fighting for the rights to marry and they're turning around to another group of people and saying that they shouldn't be able to marry.  It just doesn't make sense to me.

I'm in a polyamorous relationship, I have two partners and the three of us are in a relationship together, I'm not an add-on to anyone else's relationship or someones 'bit on the side', the three of us are all in a relationship with each other, and none of us sees any inherent problem with this.  Okay, sometimes it's harder to split things by thirds rather than half and more space is needed when sleeping, but other than that our relationship is no different from anyone else's, so why do people feel that there is something majorly wrong with poly relationships?

I've seen all kinds of arguments against three or more people being in relationships, that it's all just about sex, that people are being greedy, or even that it's akin to cheating.  I can't speak for every poly relationship in the world, I can only draw on what I've heard others say and what I know from my own relationship, but these arguments are all wrong.

Yes, polyamorous relationships involve sex, just as monogamous relationships do, but it doesn't mean that that's all that these relationships have.  Polyamorous relationship are built on love and caring for your partners as mush as monogamous relationships.

It's greed?  Well no, if you love more than one person how is that being greedy?  You can't help who you love, and if you love two people, or more, and everyone is okay with that then what does it matter?  And to those who might turn around and say that you cannot possibly love more than one person, can a parent love their child as well as their partner?  Can a parent love more than one child?  There is not a limited amount of love in the world, if you love more than one person that should be celebrated, not condemned.  One of the 'it's being greedy' arguments I heard personally was that 'everyone should have one before anyone else goes back for seconds', well I'm sorry, but if you can't 'get one' I'm not going to put my relationship on hold because of that.

Thirdly, a relationship with three or more consenting partners is nothing like cheating.  When it comes to polyamorous relationships everyone involved is filly informed and consenting, there is no cheating going on whatsoever.  To equate the two is no different than when people compare being homosexual as merely experimenting or being confused.  It shows lack of knowledge or respect.

In an article on Pink News polyamorous activist and writer Jon Barrett urges people to look at equal marriage rights for poly couples as the next stage in the equal rights battle.  He makes some very compelling points as to why it's important for multi-partnered relationships to have the same rights as single partnered ones.  For example, some people in poly relationships would not be allowed to visit their partner when they're in hospital.

The thing that disturbed me most about the article were some of the comments left behind by the readers.  Remember, that the majority of the people who read Pink News are members of the LGBT community, people who are fighting for equal rights, who know the struggle of having their relationships belittled and dismissed.  Instead of presenting as a united front on this issue it would seem that the LGBT community are just as divided as the hetrosexual community in their distaste for polyamorous relationships.

Here are just a few of the comments made that I was able to pick out within two minutes of looking through the comments section.

The argument that wanting certain rights will just give those who oppose us more reasons to hate us and more ammunition to use against us, therefore we should not pursue it is utterly ridiculous.  If lesbians were told not to demand further rights as women have it hard enough being treated equally would that be acceptable?  Is it okay to put one group of peoples comfort and rights above others?  No, that's what cis white men have been doing for hundreds of years and that's why people all over the world are fighting for equality even today, because one group put itself above others. 

Yep, because we all need to take a number in order to get our equal rights, like at a deli counter.  I mean, why should all people want to be equal when we can fight one battle at a time.  I mean, it's just like how we're not looking into a cure for cancer at the moment because we're still looking for a cure to the common cold right?  Also, as a transgender, pansexual person in a polyamorous relationship what rights should I be fighting for first?  I wouldn't want to rock the boat and wanted to be treated fully like a human being when I can do it in stages so that I can still be discriminated against in some way.

First of all, referring to having more than one partner as having an 'affair' when it is in a polyamorous relationship is massively disrespectful and shows no understanding of just what a poly relationship is.  Also, where is the study that shows that divorce would increase by 100% just by legalising poly marriages?  Or are you just pulling that fact out of your arse like those people who claim that legalising homosexuality would lead to peadophillia and beastitality?

Luckily there were some positive reactions to the article too, as there are some people in the world who support the idea of legalising polyamorous relationships.

This commenter makes the point that I raised earlier on in this article, that many of the people who are opposed to this suggestion are the very same people who were once fighting for their own marriage to be legalised, or in some parts of the world still are.  To use arguments that you have used in order to show that your relationships are no different than hetrosexual ones, what gives you the right to say what is or isn't a real or normal relationship?  No one is saying that legalising poly marriage could be done overnight, it'd take a lot of figuring out, but that doesn't mean that it shouldn't be allowed.  You've been fighting for your rights, why shouldn't we fight for ours?

Once again, it's being pointed out just how hypocritical it is for members of the LGBT community to condemn certain people for wanting the rights to marry those that they love, and it points out something that I have seen a lot in comments on this topic, the 'I'm not against poly relationships, but...' argument.  If you don't want poly people to have the right to marry then like it or not you are discriminating, you are polyphobic, it's as simple as that.

Like I said, I'm transgender, pansexual and polyamorous, I know what it's like to fight for respect and rights, but at what point am I supposed to stop fighting for my rights?  Am I supposed to say, 'okay, I've been accepted as a transgender person but don't have any rights in my relationship, oh well I can't win them all'?  Am I supposed to deny myself the ability to marry someone that I love because it might make life harder for others?

No, that's wrong.  You cannot demand that you be given certain rights whilst denying those same rights to other.  Whether you do so because you disagree with the 'lifestyle choices' being made by that group or because you think that it might effect your own rights it's still wrong.

My relationship doesn't harm anyone else, it doesn't deny anyone else happiness, it doesn't make anyone else's relationship less legitimate.  So why would that suddenly change if I was given right, a piece of paper and a ring?  It wouldn't.  People need to stop putting one group of rights above others and see that to be equal we all need to be equal.

Amy.
xx

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UKIP Wants To Create Clause To Allow Christians To Oppose Gay Equality

UKIP leader Nigel Farage.

It has been revealed that UKIP (The UK Independence Party) has pledged that if they are to be elected into power that they will introduce a 'conscience clause' that would allow Christians exemptions from anti-discrimination laws based on their religious beliefs.

Though the promise was omitted from their main manifesto, a document outlining the parties anti-gay standing was sent out to churches and anti-gay group Christian Concern.  The document has so far not been circulated in any other way, indicating UKIP's intentions to try and keep their anti-gay agenda out of the media spotlight.

The document outlines the UKIP beliefs as follows;

'UKIP opposes same-sex marriage legislation because it impinged upon the beliefs of millions of people of faith.  Rushed through parliament without proper public debate, the legislation is significantly flawed.  It should have been subject to a review of the state's role in marriage.

'We will not repeal the legislation, as it would be grossly unfair and unethical to 'un-marry' loving couples or restrict further marriages, but we will not require churches to marry same-sex couples.  We will also extend the legal concept of 'reasonable accommodation' to give protection in the law to those expressing a religious conscience in the workplace on this issue.'

The UKIP leader, Nigel Farage, says in the document;

'Sadly, I think that UKIP is the only major political party left in Britain that still cherishes our Judeo-Christian heritage.  I believe that other parties have deliberately marginalised our nations faith, whereas we take Christian values and traditions into consideration when making policy.

'Take the family, for instance.  Traditional Christian views of marriage and family life have come under attack of late, whereas we have no problem in supporting and even promoting conventional marriage as a firm foundation for a secure and happy family.'

Many rights groups have reacted negatively to the document and the 'secret' UKIP manifesto and have condemned their tactic in sending it out only to Christian groups in an attempt to avoid negative publicity.

One of the groups that the document was sent to, Christian Concern, have in the past actively worked to oppose equal rights for the LGBT community and their leader Andrea Williams just last week attended a conference to discus a 'gay cure', a conference that UKIP candidate Alan Craig was due to attend before it was announced to the press.

Amy.
xx

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Transgender Games Developer Rachel Bryk Commits Suicide

In tragic news that has been breaking over the last few days it has been reported that games developer and transgender woman Rachel Bryk has committed suicide following online bullying.

23 year old Rachel Bryk, who is best known for her work on a software project called Dolphin, as well as some prominent work on both Camecube and Wii emulators, has suffered not only from Gender Dysphoria for many years but also crippling physical pain as a result of rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia.

Shortly before her death Rachel left a number of social media websites, stating on a 4Chan forum that it was due in large part to the transphobic abuse and harassment that she was receiving.  When she stated on 4Chan that she was considering taking her own life she was met with encouragement to do so rather than the support she would have needed.

'DO IT, if you're such a weak willed thin skinned dipshit then fucking do it,' one anonymous commenter told her.

Her comments were mocked, with people stating that 'jumping off a bridge isn't rocket science.'

After her death was announced the abuse online continued, with some on 4Chan describing her death as a 'victory'.  Commenters even went on to describe her as 'the whiniest fucking faggot' and 'any tranny death is good riddance'.

It has been reported that following the abuse Rachel committed suicide by jumping off the George Washington Bridge, that connects New York and New Jersey.  An eyewitness has stated that they saw her leave her purse on the bridge before jumping into the Hudson River.

Her body has not yet been recovered, but her family have planned to hold a funeral for her when her body is found.

To all those transgender people out there who may be considering taking their own life, please remember that there are many options available to you.  Please call the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 1-800-273-8255 or the LGBT National Helpline on 888-843-4564.  In the UK you can contact the Samaritans on 08457 909090.

Amy.
xx

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Original X-Men Member Iceman Comes Out As Gay

Marvel Comics are continuing their current push to diversify their super hero roster by making one of the oldest, most recognisable and powerful members of the X-Men franchise, Bobby 'Iceman' Drake, gay.

In recent years Marvel have introduced a new, black Spider-Man, a Muslim Ms Marvel, a female Thor and even made Captain America black by replacing original Captain America Steve Rodgers with former Falcon Sam Wilson.  So far these changes and new introductions to their universe have been well met, with the new Thor comics selling better then the previous run on the book.  With such positive reactions and the companies desire to create a universe more reflective of a diverse real world it's no surprise that they have chosen to make one of their most popular characters gay.

Now I know some of you will be saying, 'but is Iceman really all that important a character?'  Well the answer is yes.  He might not be a Wolverine, or a Captain America or an Iron-Man, but Iceman is one of the oldest mutants in the Marvel universe, being one of the five founding members of the X-Men.  Iceman is also one of the few Omega-Level Mutants, making him one of the most powerful individuals in the entire Marvel Universe.  Add on to this his inclusion in four of the X-Men motion pictures and he has gained a level of recognisability amongst even casual film goers.

So, if Iceman has been around for so long why has he only come out as gay now?  Well, the interesting thing is that the Iceman who has been around since the 60's isn't the one who has been revealed as gay, but his younger counterpart who has been transported into the modern era along with the other founding team members in the comic 'All New X-Men'.

In the most recent issue of the book after making a comment about the physical attractiveness of X-Man Magik, Bobby is confronted by Jean Grey, who due to her psychic abilities is able to tell that Iceman is in fact gay.

The younger Iceman tries to initially deny the revelation, even going so far as to state that he can't be because the older version of himself appears to be straight.  Jean points out to him that despite having dated women in the past the older Iceman has had very little romantic success, hinting that the original Bobby Drake may have been gay all along but trying to live in denial.

This may not be too far from the truth, as fans have speculated for many years that Iceman was gay.  Having had a string of relationships with women that never really went anywhere for him and just fizzled out many gay readers began to suspect that perhaps the reason for this was that he was gay.  Some readers felt their suspicions were confirmed when he started dating Rogue in the 90's.  Here was a beautiful woman he was in a relationship with, but due to her powers could never be physically intimate with, making her the 'perfect beard' for a closeted gay man.

It was even stated in early 2000's that during writer Chuck Austen's run on 'Uncanny X-Men' plans were in place to finally make Iceman an openly gay character before Marvel changed their minds.  It was during that run that openly gay Northstar was even attracted to him, but when he discovered that Bobby wasn't assumed that it meant it was because he was straight.  A school nurse named Annie, a member of the cast at the time, suggested that perhaps it was simply because he 'didn't know yet', implying that Bobby was gay even way back then.

So, when some of the angry fans have been saying that this change has been completely out of nowhere and has no basis on X-Men history, they're actually wrong.  The basis for Bobby Drake being gay has been around for years.  Iceman suppressed his own powers in the past in an attempt to feel 'normal', proving that he has a massive capacity for self denial, making the idea that the older version of the character is simply in denial about his sexuality extremely believable.

Even Iceman actor Shawn Ashmore Tweeted his support for the decision to make the character gay.

I for one think that making such a high profile member of the Marvel universe gay is only a good thing, it continues the companies decision to diversify and to create a genuine universe that represents the real world.  And to all of those people out there that are complaining about the change, what does it matter?  You still have dozens of straight superheroes in comics, so stop complaining and let the LGBT community be represented in comics in a good way.

Amy.
xx

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Vote Now To Get Transgender Man On The Cover Of 'Men's Health' Magazine

The popular 'Mens Health' magazine are currently running a competition for one of their readers to be featured on the cover of one of their upcoming issues, allowing anyone to go onto their site and vote for their favourite contestant.

The good news is that one of the men in the running is Aydian Dowling, a transgender man.  And even better, he's winning!

Not only does Audian deserve to win, but having a transgender man on the cover of 'Men's Health' will be a massive step for transgender visibility and acceptance.

Yes, Aydian is currently winning, but we need to make sure he maintains his lead.  Please, everyone go to their website by clicking on the link below, share this with everyone you know and let's make sure Aydian ends up where he deserves to be.

Vote for Aydian now!

Amy.
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Transgender Man Fired For Refusing To Present As Female

A transgender man, Tristan Broussard, is suing his former employer after he was fired for refusing to present female at work, despite his employers being aware of his transgender status when hiring him.

Tower Loan in Charles Creek, Louisiana, hired Tristan in 2013, at which point his line manager questioned the fact that he had female birth markers on his identification.  Tristan informed his line manager that he was transgender, and that he had even been on hormone replacement therapy for the previous year.  His line manager informed him that his being transgender would not be an issue and that he would be working in a judgement free environment.

However, Tristan was later called in to a meeting with the companies Vice President and informed that his gender was not 'in compliance with Tower Loan's personnel policies'.  Tristan was presented with a document that he was informed that he would need to sign agreeing to that fact.

He reported that the document read, 'I understand that my preference to act and dress male, despite having been born a female, is not something that will be in compliance with Tower Loan's personnel policies.  I have been advised as to the proper dress for females and have been provided with a copy of the female dress code.  I also understand that when meeting occur that require out of town travel and an overnight room is required, I will be assigned a room with a female.'

Upon refusing to sign Tristan was immediately fired.  He described his feelings after the incident as 'anger, embarrassment, whenever you're singled out like that, you don't feel human anymore.  You're just an alien nobody can understand.'

In addition to being fired for refusing to dress and be treated as female Tristan also reported that his former employer asked if he 'had some surgeries and we can see some results we would consider hiring you back'.

The Southern Poverty Law Centre civil rights group is currently representing Tristan in his legal case against Tower Loan.

Amy.
xx

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Mother Fined After Homophobic Rant Towards Teacher

A Birmingham mother, Angela Linton, has been fined £185 and given a 150 hours of community service following an abusive homophobic rant aimed at one of her sons teachers.

Ms Linton had previously argued with school staff at Perry Beeches secondary school in Birmingham over a detention given to her son for using his mobile phone in class, as well as payment for a school trip.  Following abusive telephone conversations and arguments at the school gates Ms Linton was banned from school premises and informed that she could only communicate with the school via her sons passbook.

It was in this passbook that she proceeded to write a hatefilled homophobic letter to one of her sons teachers, Thomas O'Brien.

Prosecutor in the case Helen Shipley said that 'Mr O'Brien said that he was traumatised by reading these comments.  His sexuality is well known.  He said it was something he was comfortable with.  He could not believe they had been written.  He did not know the reason for it.'

Magistrate Peter Pratt condemned Ms Lintons actions, stating that she knowingly and intentionally tried to cause harm and distress to Mr O'Brien.  Ms Linton was found guilty.

Amy.
xx

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Louisiana School Finally Agrees to Allow Lesbian Student to Wear Tuxedo to Prom

Patrick Taylor, principal of Carroll High School in Monroe, Louisiana, has given in to massive outcry and agreed to allow lesbian student Claudetteia Love to attend her school prom wearing a tuxedo.

When Claudetteia first expressed her desire to attend her high school prom wearing a suit instead of a dress her school principal, Patrick Taylor, informed her that she would not be allowed to attend the prom if she chose to wear a tuxedo.

A student that has already earned a scholarship at a top university and has finished top of her class Claudetteia was disgusted that she was treated this way.  She spoke out saying, 'They're using me.  They put me in all these honours and advanced placement classes so I can take all of these tests and get good grades and better the school, but when it's time for me to celebrate the fact that I've accomplished what I needed to accomplish and I'm about to graduate they don't want me to do it the way I want to do it.'

Even after Claudetteia's mother Geraldine became involved Principal Taylor refused to relax the rules, telling her 'the faculty that is working the prom told him they weren't going to work the prom is girls were going to wear tuxes.'  She told news websites that his exact words following that statement were 'Girls wear dresses and boys wear tuxes, and that's the way it is.'

After massive attention on news websites and media outlets around America, and the world, and condemnation from members of the school board including Rodney McFarland, President of the Monroe City School Board, who claimed that no such policies exist to enforce gender rigid dress codes for prom, and that the Principal Taylors decision was bordering on discrimination.

Following a massive outpouring of support for Claudetteia and condemnation towards the school and Principal Taylor the school has thankfully reversed its decision and will be allowing Claudetteia, and any student who wishes, to attend prom in a tuxedo.

Thankfully Claudetteia and her mother had the foresight to report the schools decision and raise support for their cause, but what worries me is all those other students being forced to adhere to strict and outmoded gender stereotypes and heteronormative rules that should not be allowed.  The battle for equality is far from over in the world, and whilst people in any position of power choose to make decisions like Pricipal Taylor things will never get any better.  Only by challenging these injustices when we see them will we make the world into a better place.

Amy.
xx

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A Decade of Doctor Who

Ten years ago, on Saturday 26th March 2005, The Doctor returned to our television screens for the first time in fifteen year (nine if you count the TV movie).

After so long away from our screens many heard the news of the new show and laughed.  They remembered the show when it was cancelled, the silly acting, the wobbly sets, monsters made out of green bubble wrap and cardboard and they thought that the new show would be a flop.  Before the first episode had even aired I remember hearing dozens of jokes about how the new show would be a flop, how it wouldn't last more then a season before it was cancelled again.

Thank god those people were wrong.

As soon as the first episode aired people knew that we had something special on our hands.  Eccleston brought a sense of wisdom, enthusiasm and caring to The Doctor, whilst also being able to portray the age, pain and anger that came along with it.  He showed an entire new generation that The Doctor was not only an amazing hero but a deeply flawed and very human person.  Coupled together with a new companion that was a perfect representation of the audience we were treated to something that no one was expecting, a great show.

Over the next ten years we were treated to a dozen new companions and six Doctors, including the return of fan favourite Paul McGann for the 50th anniversary special.  We were treated some amazing new monsters that would go on to become icons like the Weeping Angels, and the return of classic monsters both legendary and obscure.

The return of Doctor Who was not only a show for a new generation of fans, it was also a faithful continuation for long term fans.  That's why it succeeded, it didn't exclude new fans, it didn't alienate the long term supporters, it didn't treat itself as something campy and only for children, it didn't make itself too dark and adult.  Doctor Who found that perfect balance that allowed it to appeal to so many people the world over, from so many age groups.

The show was made with a passion and dedication that set it apart from so many other shows, because this wasn't something new that was being launched purely to make money, it was made by people who had grown up watching the original series.  It was a love letter from fans to fans and that shows through the level of quality and care put into each and every episode.

After ten years the series shows no sign of ending soon, with The Doctor having received a whole new set of regenerations we can have another twelve actors in the role before the writers need to address giving him more regenerations.  Hopefully we'll have another ten years of Doctor Who, and then ten more.  With such a revolutionary way of keeping the show fresh both in front of and behind the camera I'm sure The Doctor will be saving the universe for decades more.

Amy.
xx

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Feminist Designer Launches 'Non Sexy' Lingerie

Feminist Hayat Rachi has launched a new line of lingerie named Neon Moon to combat what she believes is a growing trend amongst womens underwear to objectify and sexualise the female body.

The Neon Moon collection will launch with it's first line, Mon Dieo, and will be free of wiring, cleavage enhancing padding and will be made from sustainable bamboo fabric as 'lace and satin mold to the wearers body, which might highlight curves'.  Rachi has described the new brand as being 'designed for women of all body types, including women who embrace pubic, leg and underarm hair'.

'Instead of succumbing to the body shaming, sexualised and objectified lingerie on the market, I used my frustration to start my own brand,' Rachi explained.  'Not everything is about being sexy or being objectified by the male gaze.'

'I find it difficult to find a lingerie brand that shared the same ethos as myself: empowerment, body confidence and the non-objectification of women.'

As well as creating a new range of underwear that does against the physical 'objectification of women' Rachi also hand picked the models for the brand, 'women who support healthier and natural bodies rather than standard fashion models'.

Rachi funded Neon Moon with a kickstarter campaign that despite not ending until April 10th, has already received 181 backers and passed her $5,000 goal.

'I'm absolutely elated with the result.  I genuinely couldn't fathom reaching the $5,000 goal with 18 days left.  I've been so blessed by the support received from women, men, transgender and non-binary people's generosity.'

Rachi credits her goals being met so quickly thanks to people agreeing that women are often overly sexualised by the lingerie industry.

Neon Moon will allow women the option to choose the type of underwear they wish to use, and importantly it gives feminists a positive representation within the lingerie industry.  Hopefully this new band will act as an alternative for those that choose it though, rather than as another way of using the slut/virgin complex to further divide the feminist community.

Yes, the lingerie industy does definietly sexualise their products and the women it uses to model them, and some lingerie is made solely for the enjoyment of those looking at it (male or female), but that does not necessarily mean that flipping it completely on its head is the best solution.

I think it's important to recognise the good work that Rachi is doing with Neon Moon, but it is also vital to not condemn any woman who does not choose to use it, but prefers 'sexy' lingerie.

There is already enough infighting amongst feminist communities over how women should present themselves and how sexualised they should allow themselves to be seen that I sincerely hope that Neon Moon, and other such brands that will hopefully follow, are not used as ammunition in this debate.

If someone chooses to wear Neon Moon underwear then that should be celebrated, if someone wants to wear a lacy thong then that too should be celebrated.  Women need to stand together as a united force, hopefully this new brand will not be used to prevent that.

Amy.
xx

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