Originally published on Patreon
I've been really enjoying The Flash since Future State, with Wally having taken over the reigns whilst Barry has been off doing wild stuff in the multiverse. His family are great, there have been some fun stories, and there's lots of intrigue and genuinely wonderful moments. This years annual, however, might be one of the worst issues of The Flash I've ever read.
So, first off, those hoping for some cool Flash action in this issue, or even good character moments, this is not the book for you. Very, very little happens here. This is because the vast majority of this issue is taken up by Linda's new novel; which Wally reads through. And oh boy is Linda an awful writer.
Her book tells the story of a young woman who wants to become a writer, who sets out with a plan to become the best in the field, but whose life gets dragged off course slightly over the years. She has a failed marriage, and has become a reporter instead of a writer; but eventually finds herself enjoying her life.
One day the woman is investigating a series of cattle mutilations, when a huge monster appears and starts to attack. She's rescued by a red headed man who's basically the Rocketeer, who kills the monster. She and the man are transported aboard his spaceship, which looks like a cheap Enterprise-D knock-off, where she meets a guy who looks like Captain Cold, and another who's a Green Arrow engineer.
The ship comes under attack from a black hole, and a giant golden space cobra, and they teleport away as the ship is destroyed. They end up in the home of their employer, a space magician, who is behind the attack. He's going to make the black hole giant to destroy all life in the universe. Eventually the woman manages to stop him, save the day, and romances the dashing space hero.
So everything in Linda's story is just fucking awful. The book goes on for multiple chapters like it's a regular literary fiction, before taking a turn into b-movie sci-fi schlock. Every situation is more ridiculous than the last, with characters and plot that makes no sense, and the absolute worst self insert character ever created. And apparently not only does Wally love this, but the book is getting published and Linda's going on a big book tour. Books must be seriously shit in the DC universe if this is an example of a potential best-seller.
A good 75% of this book was given over to Linda's writing, and it was honestly some of the worst stuff I've ever read. If I wasn't invested in this series already I'd have put the book down and skipped it. And I kind of wish I had. The only thing that happens here that feels like it has any baring on anything, or could even matter, is that Linda and Wally suddenly think that perhaps Linda could be pregnant. Whilst this could explain the reason why she suddenly developed speedster powers, it's the only thing to come from the issue that has any kind of weight or purpose. And it could have been done in half a page.
It honestly feels like Jeremy Adams didn't get told there was going to be a Flash annual until the last minute, realised his story was already planned out for future issues, so had to throw something together that is mostly a throwaway. Either that, or this is supposed to some kind of comedy, but if that's the case none of it ever actually lands.
I truly hope that this isn't an indication of how the series is going to change going forward, because it the regular book turns into this The Flash will go from one of my favourite reads each month to my most hated.
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