Taking the First Small Steps...Then Getting Knocked Straight Back Down

Having been born physically male my body isn’t feminine, I’m tall, broad and have too large hands and feet.  I am also, unfortunately, bald.  I have been since I was eighteen.  As I have now where near enough money to be able to afford any kind of hair transplant treatment I’ve come to accept that instead I will have to wear a wig in order to pass as female.

Last night was something of a big step for me, it was the first time leaving the house in my wig and letting people other than my parents and sister see it.  I wasn’t going anywhere fancy, just to a friends house where a group of us would be meeting up, a perfectly safe and secure environment with people guaranteed to respond positively.  However, it was one of the most frightening things I’ve had to do.

I don’t know why I was scared, as I said I knew it was a perfectly safe place and I didn’t have to walk their or back wearing it as friends were giving me a ride.  It was silly and irrational but I was completely panicked.  I felt sick, my breathing was all wrong and more than once I wanted to take it off.

However, I tuck with it and went out in the wig, and things went perfectly fine.  I felt comfortable and I received nothing but good comments about it.  I had made that first small step to being comfortable and confident enough to present myself openly as the person I really am and I was happy with myself for having done so.

Unfortunately such feelings couldn’t last.  It seems like I never get to enjoy anything for longer than five minutes.

This morning at breakfast my mum told me that my dad, who has not even mentioned my being trans or anything to do with my situation after first being told, is having trouble with it.  She told me that he’s not comfortable with my wearing the wig around the house, with my wearing female clothes.  In the past he’s also told me not to be barefoot because I’ve got painted toe nails or wear my pyjamas anywhere downstairs as they’re pink.

I’ve known, deep down, for a while now that my dad isn’t comfortable with me being trans, that he doesn’t like it or want it.  But hear it confirmed by my mum is another thing entirely.  Add onto that the fact that he doesn’t really understand it but refuses to talk about it or go and read up about it on his own and it just hurts.  I love my family, but to have my dad be so against it and unwilling to even say anything about it cuts me deep.

Maybe he doesn’t realise just how much pain I’m in because of this, or what I might end up doing to myself if I weren’t to transition.  I don’t know though as he wont talk about it.  How many other people inn the world are going to be against me if at this point my own father doesn’t seem to have my best interest at heart?

Amy.
xx

Amy Walker Facebook
Trans Girl Writer Facebook Fan Page
Amy Walker Twitter

Bullied Just For Being Who You Are

Cassidy Lynn Campbell being crowned Homecoming Queen.

Last night I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine about how she’s now more aware of things that could be considered ‘Transphobia’ (though it’s not really a fear, it’s being an arsehole) now that she know me and that she’s friends with a transgender person.  We talked about a comment in her employers dress code and if it could be considered anti-trans.

Realising that simply by knowing someone I was making them potentially more aware of anti-trans sentiment and more open to challenging such views and opinions was great, and I hope that it is not just her but more of my friends who may have had their perception of such things altered.  The more people out there who support trans people and challenge those against them the better a world we will have.

Unfortunately though it seems that for every trans ally there are dozens of enemies.

Last week American high school girl Cassidy Lynn Campbell was crowned as the very first transgender Homecoming Queen.  This was a massive victory not just for her but for the trans community.  It went a long way towards showing just how much more accepting and understanding people are becoming of transgender people and their struggles.  Especially in high school, where we are normally showered by stories of bullying and close-mindedness between teenagers.

Unfortunately Cassidy, simply through being transgender and that alone, became the victim of horrid online abuse.  Now, as far as I’ve been able to find out about Cassidy she’s not a criminal, she’s not a delinquent or drug addict, she’s not a bad student or a bully.  She’s just a normal average teenage girl trying to live her life as best she can.  So why has she been targeted to receive this vicious abuse?  The answer is simple, because of how she was born.

I find it appalling that in this day and age, with advances in medicine and understanding of the transgender condition and with all of this information right at people’s fingertips on the web that there are still so many incorrect views and hatred towards transgender people.

Lets boil it down to the simplest way possible.  Being transgender is not a choice.  It’s not a decision someone makes to fulfil a fetish or ‘challenge society’.  It’s a medical condition, one that you are born with and have no control over whatsoever.

I thank all of the people who know me and support me and go out of their way to help and defend me but I also ask them to defend others like me.  If you come across someone online or even in everyday life who is being bullied for being trans please stand up for them.  Report the abuse and the haters and give the victims your support.

A large part of the world still holds this view that trans people are open to be mocked, ridiculed and hated and that there are no repercussions for doing so.  Only together, by supporting these victims and the transgender community will we be able to stamp out this kind of behaviour and make a better world.

Amy.
xx

Amy Walker Facebook
Trans Girl Writer Facebook Fan Page
Amy Walker Twitter

Teenager Attempts Suicide due to Homophobic Teacher.

I’ve just read an article about a student in South Carolina, US, who tried to hang himself after suffering abuse at the hands of his teacher simply for being gay.  The article describes how the young man was verbally bullied in class in front of all of his classmates and friends for an extended period of time.  The teacher, identified as Alan Ingram, identified the student as gay, called him names such as ‘gay boy’ and ‘Mrs Pete’.

It is also reported that Ingram told the students classmates that he was in a relationship with another male classmate and that they were ’boyfriend and girlfriend’.  H also reportedly encouraged the rest of the class to join in the verbal abuse and bullying.

The Original Article at Pinknews.com

The bullying went on for such a long period of time and had such harsh consequences that the student tried to kill himself.  He has since been removed from school and is being home schooled.

It’s a terrible thing when anyone in a position of power abuses that power in order to cause harm to others, especially when those people are being punished simply for being who they are.  It makes it all the worse though when that person is supposed to be in a position to help other.

Teachers are trusted with the safety and wellbeing of children.  It’s there job to shape the hearts and minds of the next generation, to prepare them for the world.  But when a teacher is trying to force such horrific practices on their students, I can’t help but feel sick at the though,

Schools are supposed to teach us the facts not opinions.  Whether we like it or not teachers will have profound effects on the people our children will grow up to become.  They can’t be allowed to get away with this kind of behaviour.  This man, and any other teacher that does the same, should be held fully accountable for their actions and immediately be banned from teaching children ever again.

Amy.
xx

Amy Walker Facebook
Trans Girl Writer Facebook Fan Page
Amy Walker Twitter

Refusing Hormone Blockers to Those in Need

Leo Waddell and his mother Hayley.

I’ve just read an article about a young trans boy called Leo that has been refused hormones blockers to halt the onset of puberty.  The article outline how the family doctor refused to issue the important medication as she was unsure how the drugs would effect Leo later in life.  Leo is quite understandably devastated by the decision and is searching out other doctors who will prescribe the hormone blockers.

The original article at the Mirror.

This article had me thinking though, I wished that I’d known I was trans when I was that young and could have had the chance to take hormone blockers.

I hate the way I am right now, my body disgusts and upsets me.  And it’s not just because it’s male instead of female.  It’s because of the effects that puberty and testosterone had on me.  I’m too tall, my shoulders too broad, my hands and feet are too big, my voice is too deep, my body too hairy and my head too bald.

I’m not inn a good position to start transitioning from, the results won’t be good.  I’ve seen people that have had luckier puberties and transitioned well, and those that got to start transitioning so young that they received the blockers and I can’t help but feel incredibly jealous about it.

Denying Leo these important drugs could have devastating consequences for him.  It’s not just a bad decision to deny him the medication, it’s down right cruel.

Amy.
xx

Amy Walker Facebook
Trans Girl Writer Facebook Fan Page
Amy Walker Twitter

Should Supernatural Have Ended With Season 5?

First of all I think that it’s important that I start this article by stating that I’m a fan of the show, and really enjoy seasons 6 onwards.  This isn’t somewhere where I’m just going to be tearing apart the last three years of the show, it’s going to try and be a fairly reasonable thought out question.

Having read through a number of interviews and behind the scenes articles it’s become very clear that Eric Kripke, the former show runner, had a very clear plan in mind from the very start of the show and that the culmination of the apocalypse story arc was his endgame.

If the show had ended we'd have had less Crowley...

Throughout the fifth season it becomes increasingly clearer that many of the plot elements of previous seasons were in place to lead up to this point, as we saw in the season four finale where it was revealed that the original villain Azazel, or ‘yellow eyes’, and season three and four villain Lilith were not only connected, but were all working towards the rise of Lucifer.

The fact that Kripke left at the end of season five further reinforces the idea that the show could have come to an end at that point.  Much of that final episode was even made in such a way that it felt like an ending, from Chuck’s beautiful narration of the Impala to the montage as Sam remembers all of the good times he had with his brother.  The show had a natural conclusion at that point, even with the revelation in the final moments that Sam escaped the prison.

....or the deepening of the mythology and introduction of
the Leviathans.

On the other hand, however, we’ve had some great story lines since season five and some massive additions to the shows mythology, such as Purgatory and the Leviathans.  Some of the shows best episodes came after season five.  ‘A Weekend at Bobby’s’ and ‘The French Mistake’ are prime examples of the show at it’s greatest.

Despite some of these additions and some stand out episodes the quality just hasn’t felt the same since season five, the stakes just not quite as high.  I’m still enjoying the show and I’m definitely intrigued to see what direction they’re going to take after the shocking conclusion to season eight, but I’m still hoping that the show picks up in quality just a little bit.

With the main stars signed up until season ten I’m and the game changing end of season eight I’m hoping that the creative team has another big plan in mind, and when the time finally does come for the show to come to its conclusion it better be epic!

Amy.
xx

Amy Walker Facebook
Trans Girl Writer Facebook Fan Page
Amy Walker Twitter

Flora Publishes Homophobic Advert

A recent advertisement from margarine giant Flora has come under some serious criticism and has received a number of complains by comparing coming out as gay to your father to being shot through the heart.

Set on a pink background a bullet made up from the words ‘Uhh Gad, I’m Gay’ flies towards a human heart made from china.  At the bottom of the poster next to the Flora logo are the words ‘you need a strong heart today’.

Flora, which is owned by the consumer group Unilever, has come under a barrage of criticism from various individuals as well as a number of gay rights groups that find the advertisement homophobic.  A spokesman from the gay rights group Stonewall said that ‘Many people will find this advert offensive and inappropriate’.

However, a spokesperson from Unilever responded with the following statement, ‘This advert was prepared by an external agency in South Africa and was not approved by anyone at Unilever.  The advert is offensive and unacceptable and we have put an immediate stop to it’.

The question remains however as to how the advertisement was released in the first place if it had not received any prior improvement from Unilever.

Amy.
xx

Amy Walker Facebook
Trans Girl Writer Facebook Fan Page
Amy Walker Twitter

'The Dyatlov Pass Incident' Review

‘The Dyatlov Pass Incident’ follows a group of student documentary makers and mountain climbers on a trek into the Russian Ural mountains to investigate the true life mystery of nine Russian skiers that died under mysterious circumstances in 1959.

The actual Dyatlov Pass Incident that the film takes inspiration from concerns a group of nine experienced skiers and hikers that went hiking through the Ural mountains but never reached their intended destination.  After two months the hikers were eventually found.

Their camp was abandoned, the tent half destroyed and cut open from the inside, filled with all of their equipment and shoes.  The hikers were found in the surrounding area in pairs or on their own, apparently dead from hypothermia.  A number of the hikers were, however, found with a number of injuries including skull fractures, destroyed rib cages and in the case of one woman a missing tongue.

The abandoned campsite from the real life Dyatlov Pass Incident.

Upon further investigation it was concluded that massive force was required to inflict the bodily damage that the hikers had sustained, yet there was no visible evidence of any external trauma.  In the end the authorities concluded that the hikers were killed by a ‘compelling natural force.’  To this day there has been no further explanation give for the bizarre events that happened at the Dyatlov Pass.

The film takes this event as their inspiration and is set around a group of five students that travel to Russia to attempt to investigate the incident and discover what actually led to the deaths of the hikers.  Although based upon a real world incident the film makers make some very brave and possibly bizarre choices in the direction they take the story.

The student film makers investigating the Incident.

Beginning as a simple investigation into the deaths it leads the way to a government plot to hide the truth of what actually lies at the heart of Dyatlov and their willingness to kill anyone that came close to discovering the truth.  Finding an abandoned underground facility the group discover strange phenomena, monstrous creatures and experiments leading back to the Philadelphia Experiment and the USS Eldridge.

A well made film shot on beautiful locations the writers and director create a tale that requires you to think outside of the box and make your own deductions based upon clues carefully laid out earlier on in the film.  The film suffers mainly from the sudden turn of events towards the end of the film that changes the tone fairly dramatically and some effects shots that aren’t quite up to par with the natural beauty of the filming locations.

Probably not to everyone’s tastes, but based upon extremely fascinating real world events the film is well worth a viewing for both horror fans and people interested in the actual Dyatlov Pass Incident.

Amy.
xx

Amy Walker Facebook
Trans Girl Writer Facebook Fan Page
Amy Walker Twitter

The Sarah Jane Adventures 'Invasion of the Bane' Review

‘Invasion of the Bane’ is the first episode of the Doctor Who spin-off series The Sarah Jane Adventures.  Though not a pilot in the traditional sense but a special, it still serves as the first episode of what would become a five series show, and an introduction to a number of the main characters.

The episode focuses on thirteen year old Maria Jackson who has just moved into Bannerman Road, opposite Sarah Jane Smith.  The night after moving in to her new home Maria is awakened by a strange light coming from Sarah Jane’s garden and goes to investigate.  She discovers Sarah Jane and an alien known as a Star Poet conversing, before the alien leaves, returning to the stars above.

The following day one of Marias neighbours invites Maria to join her on a free trip to the Bubble Shock factory to see how the new drink craze is being produced.  Overhearing the two girls talking Sarah Jane decides to investigate Bubble Shock to discover just how it’s becoming so popular so fast.

Mrs Wormwood leads the Bane.

 Sarah Jane interviews the boss of Bubble Shock, Mrs Wormwood, and tries to find out why the drink has been approved so fast, especially as their secret ingredient ‘Bane’ resists any kind of analysis.  As she is leaving the facility Sarah Jane is attacked and almost killed by Wormwood’s assistant. 

In the panic that ensues Sarah Jane and Maria discover that the people behind Bubble Shock are in fact aliens that are planning to use the Bubble Shock for some unknown reason.  They also discover ‘the archetype’, a composite human created by the Bane that the two of them help to liberate. 

Knowing that the Bane are planning to use both the Bubble Shock and ‘the archetype’ Sarah Jane and Maria must find a way to stop them.

The squid like Bane hunt Sarah Jane and her companions.

‘The Invasion of the Bane’ serves as a great introduction for the series, showing Sarah Jane continuing on her fight against alien threats and the affect that it has had on her life.  At the start she is much colder and closed off then we have seen her in the past, initially reluctant to have Maria involved in what is happening trying to encourage her to forget what she has seen and return to a normal life.

By the end of the episode Sarah Jane has warmed considerably, accepting that both Maria and Luke, formerly the ‘archetype’ and now her adopted son, are now a part of something bigger and important to her.

The Bane themselves are a great creation, with top notch effects.  Despite being the first episode of a spin-off the aliens are just as amazing and beautiful as they would be in their parent show.  They are also something very un-human, with an almost squid like appearance, which gives us something new and interesting to look at.

Though the show was initially created for the child audience of Doctor Who, and at times it can be very childish, it also has a lot of heart, and Elizabeth Sladen brings such heart and wisdom to the series that it’s impossible not to fall in love with it.  A good introduction to what is a great series to come.  7/10

Amy.
xx

Amy Walker Facebook
Trans Girl Writer Facebook Fan Page
Amy Walker Twitter

Transphobia or a Joke Taken Too Far?

A few months ago a friend of mine that is also a passionate gamer introduced me to the online game reviewer ‘Zero Punctuation’.  Staring Ben ‘Yahtzee’ Crowshaw Zero Punctuation offers a comical video review of a video game every week, complete with animation and fun facts.

The reviews are almost always humorous, and often can be very scathing towards the games faults or certain companies.  Crowshaw will even at times turn his jokes around upon himself and make himself the butt of the jokes.

However, one of his latest videos, in which he reviews two downloadable games seems to take a particular joke aimed at trans people and uses it repeatedly to the point where I have to question if it is even a joke anymore or just straight up Transphobia.

I’ve watched loads of these videos, so I know how his sense of humour works and that he can sometimes pick on people but it just seems like this time he’s crossed the line from cheap joke to something a little nastier.  I particularly object to the work ‘Trannies’ being used onscreen repeatedly during the video.

It’s all down to personal interpretation though, an I urge you all to watch it yourselves and give your comments on the video bellow, I for one though feel that perhaps this was one joke too far and is just another in a long line of examples of how trans people are used as a source of humour and a target of thinly veiled insults.

Amy.
xx


Amy Walker Facebook
Trans Girl Writer Facebook Fan Page
Amy Walker Twitter

Stephen Fry and the Winter Olympics

Stephen Frys recent letter to the government and Olympic Committee advocating the removal of the 2014 Winter Olympics from Russia due to its extreme anti gay laws was a brilliantly written, well thought out and emotional piece. 

Unfortunately not everyone agrees with him, and low and behold the Daily Mail in on the front lines of those attacking Stephen Fry for not just standing up for his personal beliefs but also for sanity and the goodness of human spirit.

The Daily Mail launches a vicious article that attacks Fry personally, and calls for people to do the exact opposite of what he advocates. Instead of boycotting the Olympic games in what is fast becoming one of the most extreme anti LGBT countries in the world their reporter, Andrew Pierce is urging people to not only attend the games but to openly protest them once there.

How is it that someone in the media could be so blinded to the previous violence against LGBT people and threats made by the Russian government should people attempt to do the same that they would encourage their readers put themselves in danger? If anything it appears to me that the Daily Mail, and Pierce in particular, are simply trying to place LGBT people in harms way.

Some might find this a somewhat ludicrous thought, but simply look at their past record of anti LGBT sentiment and the vicious hounding of school teacher Lucy Meadows, a campaign of hatred and harassment that led to Miss Meadows taking her own life.

I for one share Stephen Fry's views that attending the winter Olympics in such an anti LGBT country goes against everything that the Olympics stands for and common human decency.

Amy.
xx

Amy Walker Facebook
Trans Girl Writer Facebook Fan Page
Amy Walker Twitter