Sticking It To The Man

‘South Park: The Stick of Truth’ is a game I remember hearing about years ago and quickly forgot as all news of its development seemed to disappear into the background of other bigger gaming news.  Then, all of a sudden it was here, on the shelves and ready to buy. 

To be honest I wasn’t sure what to expect from the game, most games made from animated TV shows end up being fairly shit.  Family Guy and Simpson’s are both guilty of this.  Everything I’d seen for the game had made it look brilliant though and I so desperately wanted it to be so.  And you know what?  It was!

Not only does the game feel like it fits in perfectly into the universe of the show, with the same brilliantly bad animation and unique humour, but it also plays as a damn good game in its own rights. 

Stick of Truth features dozens of the show's iconic characters.

TSOT is an RPG and plays just like one.  You pick your class, choosing between Fighter, Mage, Thief and Jew.  You equip your character with different armour and weapons that each has differing stats and abilities and you complete both main and optional quests around the town of South Park.

If you’re a fan of role playing games then this will all feel familiar to you and you’ll fall fight into the game with little problems and soon be exploring the iconic locations from the show and interacting with the townspeople. 

Fight alongside iconic characters at iconic locations.

The storyline is fairly simple (to begin with) you’re the new kid in town and you soon find yourself drawn into an epic battle between the human Kingdom of Koopa Keep, the KKK, and the elves, all of whom are fighting for control over the fabled Stick of Truth.  Except none of it’s really happening, it’s just the local kids playing a game.  But it works perfectly.  It doesn’t feel out of place within the South Park universe, it doesn’t feel shoehorned in or forced and when things inevitably descend into chaos and the fate of the town hangs in the balance it’s true to what we’ve seen before.

If you like role playing games and enjoys South Park then there is no reason not to play this game as you’ll love it.  I completed the main story in roughly fifteen hours but still had lots of side quests to complete and collectables to find which ensures longer play time and at points I found myself laughing out loud at the brilliant humour.  Whether you’re a fan of the show or someone with just a passing familiarity then you should definitely give this game a try as you won’t help but fall a little in love with it.

Amy.

xx

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Walking Home Alone

So, the other week I experienced something new for the first time.  I was out of the house, presenting as female all on my own.  It’s not as epic as that might sound, I had a speech therapy session first thing in the morning and just stayed ‘girled up’ all day.  That night I went round my friends and we hung out.  Then came the part I hadn’t thought about, walking home in the middle of the night on my own.

Now, I usually do this a lot, some of my work shifts require me to walk through some pretty dodgy parts of my hometown very late at night so I’m no stranger to being out and about after dark.  The thing that I was worried about this time though was the fact that I was presenting as myself.

I know it shouldn’t really make a difference but even before I left my friends house I was filled with worry.  What if something happened to me?  What if someone could tell I was trans and made me a target?

I swallowed my fear and left my friends house and began the journey home.  It wasn’t too bad for the most part.  I found myself a little on edge but it wasn’t  like I was shaking with fear the whole way home.  However, there then came the point where I had to pass by a group of guys.  As soon as I saw them I filled with dread and felt vulnerable.  They weren’t even on the same side of the road as me, but even so I felt on edge.

The only thing different about this time walking home and the hundreds of others I had was that this time I didn’t looks male.  That’s it, nothing else.  So why was it that little change could have such an effect on me that I was literally afraid to walk past a group of guys?

Perhaps it’s the news stories I read of trans women, and even regular women, being targets of violence and aggression when they are walking alone at night.  But those kind of things are rare and I knew logically that nothing like that would happen to me yet I still felt fear.

Is it my irrationality or do we genuinely live in a world where women feel fear where they shouldn’t, in scenarios where men never would?  I’m happy that I’m transitioning, that I’m becoming the real me.  But if this is the type of thing I’m going to experience more often, simply because that’s the way the world is then theirs something wrong with the world.

Amy.
xx

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A Cabin Full of Surprises

I’ve been meaning to watch ‘Cabin in the Woods’ since it came out.  I like horror and I like Joss Whedon so it made perfect sense to watch it right?  Then everyone I know that’s seen it and every review I see online begins to not only praise the film but rave about it.

Now, most people would see that as something that would spur them on to watch it, but as many of the people who know me will attest it’s the kind of thing that drives me away from stuff.  I’ve had experiences where films that have been so hyped up that by the time I finally get round to seeing it they nowhere live up to it.  I mean, it took me twelve years to finally watch ‘Donnie Darko’ because of this kind of thing!

As such ‘Cabin in the Woods’ in the woods had been out for well over a year and my friends were continually asking me why I hadn’t yet seen it.  Well, one of my friends had had enough and gave me the DVD in an attempt to drive me into watching it.  A few days later and I’m looking for something to watch of an evening and I see the DVD sitting their and I think ‘oh sod it what the hell’ and pick it up.

Our group of heroes ready to be picked off one at a time.

Now I knew going into it that their was going to be something special about the film, that it was more than what the title suggested and was going to be more than the average teenagers in the woods kind of film.  None of that knowledge, however, could have prepared me for what I was about to see.

Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard essentially create a love letter to classic horror  films.  It follows the standard formula and set up, but in its own special way that points out the silliness of these character and situational stereotypes without being disrespectful to them.   The film also throws so many different types of monsters and creatures at the audience that there’s something in their for everyone but manages to balance it well that the end doesn’t feel like the cluster fuck that it could have so easily have become.

The plot is amazing.  Its well written and unfolds in such a way that there’s always something more to learn right up until the very end, and by the time the film does end you’ll find yourself wishing their could have been loads more.  The film feels like the start of something big, like the tip of the iceberg teasing us at what else their could be.  there is so much sense of mystery, grandeur and history here that this could very easily have been the first film in a new horror franchise.  But luckily its not.

A film not afraid to tread new ground and be daring.

And I say luckily because whilst I would have loved to have seen more the film stands out so much more for  being a one off.  If you want more  out of  it you’ll watch it again and again and its one of those films where you get more from it on subsequent viewings.

I literally cannot find fault with this film.  I enjoyed it that much that less than twenty four hours after watching it I had my own copy on blurry!  We need more films like this.  Films that subvert expectations, that aren’t scared to do their own thing and challenge the norm and just play it safe.  A lot of film makers can learn a lesson from ‘Cabin in the Woods’ of how to make a film that I’m sure will stand out for years to come.

Amy.

xx

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Reaching Too High

Last week I finally got round to playing Halo: Reach, the prequel game to the overly popular Xbox series of first person shooters.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the Halo games, in fact it was the disappointing cliff hanger to Halo 2 that made me go out and buy an Xbox 360 and a copy of Halo 3.  I got to the end of the game and thought ‘you fucking bastards!’ as the credits began to roll and immediately walked to the nearest Game and bought a 360.

I never once believed that Halo 3 would be the end of the franchise, no matter how much the company said it would be.  After all if such statements were true then we wouldn’t be stuck in sequel hell with things like Final Fantasy, Police Academy, Resident Evil and so many awful fucking horror movie franchises.  So here I was, presented with yet another poor excuse of expanding the series without having the balls to commit to a proper sequel (this game did come out before Halo 4 remember).

'Reach' does give us some fun space flying sections to break
the tedium.

Halo: Reach is a game that tells you exactly what’s going to happen with the fucking title.  After all, you’re barely five minutes into the first game before the characters mention how Reach got totally fucked up and everyone died.  It’s no surprise then that you’re playing through one long suicide mission with no hopes of seeing yourself or any of the other NCP’s live past the closing credits.

With the obvious outcome put to one side the game itself was somewhat enjoyable, not the worst fps I’ve ever played by far.  The game starts with you as a new member of the Spartan Noble Unit, and given the chance to choose to play as either male or female.  I know such choices don’t amount to much in games where the most you see of your character is their hands but it was nice to have the option to play as an armour clad badass who grunts in a female voice rather than a male one.

Halo: Reach gives you a variety of missions, from roaming the sunny hills and valleys of the titular planet, infiltrating a Covenant spaceship (because we’ve never done that in a Halo game before, for fuck sake!), a futuristic city and aerial dogfights.

The Covenant come to fuck some shit up.

Whilst the locations in the game feel like a standard Halo checklist just being ticked off one at a time the way they play are at least a little bit more interesting with the inclusion of jet packs (though not in nearly enough of the game for my liking) and flying a fighter ship in space.

At the end of the day though whilst their isn’t anything particularly wrong with the game (other than possibly needing more levels.  Seriously I finished it in like a day!) it just doesn’t quite do it for me.  I think one of the main problems with this game, and something I’ve noticed from the Halo series on a whole since its move to the Xbox 360 is its dependence on multi-player to really sell its games.

'Reach' lets you play as a female Spartan, mine had pretty
pink and purple armour.

The biggest problem I have with the series are its mouth breathing teenage cunts of an audience who do nothing but play Halo multiplayer all the time, spouting complete fucking shit through their mic’s and blowing the fuck out of anyone who hasn’t played the multiplayer for two hundred fucking hours.  The single player campaign feels more like an add on, something to give the players to do when not playing the main game, multiplayer.

Not the worst game in the series but more fan service and an excuse for Microsoft to rake in more cash from a disc release of something that would be more at home as an Xbox live release.  Whilst it was a fairly entertaining waste of my time I’m glad I only spent £4 on it.

Amy.
xx

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Thank You For Outing Me

I’ve been put into an unusual position this week at work.  A colleague of mine, a fellow supervisor, discovered the fact that I’m transgender.  You see, I’m not out at work, I’m not even presenting as Amy yet.  It turns out that this fellow supervisor knows someone that knows someone that knows me, and learnt of my situation through this third party.

Rather than try to confirm what he’d heard of come and talk to me about it he instead began to tell everyone and anyone at work who would listen to him.  Along with another person who decided that spreading the rumours would be the best thing to do, it was all around the shop before I knew what was happening.  I didn’t know who knew and who didn’t, what they’d been told and what exactly they thought was going on.

I was devastated and distraught.  There was a plan in place for coming out at work and it was never this.  I was in a rage, I was fighting back the tears.  My manager and I decided that the best thing to do would be to confront these rumours head on, to address the staff and tell them what was actually happening so as to stop the disinformation and hearsay.  So that was decided, I’d write a statement and he’d read it out to everyone and that would be that.

Last night, when speaking to a friend of mine she advised me that I probably shouldn’t be there when it happens, that its not my job to educate people.  She said that I don’t have to be the voice for the transgender community.

So  this morning I wrote my statement for my manager to read out and I thought that was that. Then I did my morning stroll through Facebook.  The big news, that I’m sure that you’re all aware of, was Ellen Page coming out as gay.

I watched the video of her speech, her beautifully prepared words and I was amazingly touched by what she said and the bravery of coming out to a room full of people and cameras that mean that thousands, perhaps even millions would see.  A lot of celebrities that come out do so in a press release, or they have their agents release the information.  This, however, was an amazing way to do it.

A true inspiration and amazingly brave young woman.

I watched that video and thought about what she did and I threw away the statement I had written.  Ellen Page didn’t need to put that spotlight on her, she didn’t need to draw that attention in such a public coming out but she did because she hoped that it would do some good.

That’s what I needed to do.  Though I respect the friend who advised me a great deal her comment about not needing to be the voice for the transgender community suddenly felt really wrong to me.  There’s a good chance that most of the people I work with have never known an openly trans person before, there’s a chance they might never know one again after me.  If I’m not going to be that voice then who is?

I’m not saying I speak for every trans person out there, I’m not that arrogant, but until forced to deal with a trans person in their real lives most people’s knowledge of our community is based upon the misinformation and stereotypes pumped out by the media.  The place where we are vilified, made fun of and ridiculed.  If I didn’t speak out to them then how will they know the real situation?

There was no point in having someone else read a cold and clinical statement, I needed to speak to them more from the heart. They need to see the human side of what is going on and the pain and emotion their.  If all I achieve by putting myself in the limelight at work is that a handful of people gain a greater understanding of the struggle that trans people go through than surely it’s worth any kind of pain I might end up going through.

So tomorrow I will be speaking to the staff, a gathering of close to fifty people and reading the following statement out to them;

'I have prepared this statement to address the various rumours and misinformation that has been told about me over this last week.  Some of what you have heard is true, some of it is not.  It is time to confront these rumours, to dispel the lies that have been told about me and to set the facts straight. 

The truth is, I’m transsexual.  What this means, in its simplest form, is that I was born with a female brain in a male body.  I have suffered with this condition, this recognised medical condition, for years and am finally now doing something to correct it. 

Despite what many of you have been led to believe by these rumours or by popular misconception portrayed by the media this is not a choice, kink or lifestyle option.  I was born this way, with no more control over that fact than anyone in this room has over their gender, their height or the colour of their skin.  The only thing that I have had a choice about was whether to do something about it  or not, to choose to either correct this mistake and try to claim some semblance of a happy life or to continue to live in what can only be described as a living hell.  I chose the first option.

As such, over the coming months you will notice physical changes taking place as a result of my treatment.  You will see the real me start to develop physically.
All I ask during this period is to be treated with the dignity and respect that I or anyone else deserves. 

Though my outward appearance may be changing I will still be the same person that you have come to know over the last weeks and months, though you may get to know the parts of myself that I feel compelled to hide because of the prejudices put upon me by society. 

Because of this physical change from male to female I will eventually have a new legal name and title and will require the use of female pronouns.  Whilst there are many people in my life who accept and support me and even now use such pronouns and my correct name I will not be asking that if you now as I do not want to make things difficult or confusing for yourselves or the customers. 

This was not the way that myself of the management team wanted this situation to unfold.  Unfortunately, circumstances have taken this choice, this incredibly personal choice out of my hands.  As such I hope that you can appreciate that this has been an unbelievably stressful  and deeply upsetting time for me, and whilst I am happy to answer non-overly invasive or personal questions please appreciate that tonight is not the time or the place. 

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to talk to you all, to be able to clear up some of these rumours that have been going around and for the wonderful support some of you have already shown me.'

It’s going to be hard to stand in front of all those people and speak from the heart like that, but you know what?  It needs to be done.  In reality what’s the worst that can come from this?  That it becomes so unbearable to work their that I have to leave and find a new job?  That I get abuse?  That I get attacked or even worse killed?

Even if that does happen, as ridiculously small a chance as it is it won’t necessarily be a bad thing.  I’m not saying I want to die, I’m not saying that I’d accept death in any way.  What I guess I’m trying to get across is that even if the very worst happens as long as I’ve made even one person more aware of transgender peoples struggles and more open to helping our community than it would have been worth every moment.

There are so many terrible things happening in the world for the LGBT community right now, and none of them are going to get better on their own.  People won’t stop taking their right away, wont stop attacking or killing them unless others stop them.  Again, I’m not saying I have the power to change the world, I’m only one person after all.  But by making even one person change their views it’s doing something, something that can go on to effect even greater changes.

All the world needs for the evil people in it to achieve their goals is for the rest of us to do nothing.  So my friend was definitely wrong, I am the voice of the transgender community, and so are you.  So is everyone out their.  We speak for the trans, the gay, the lesbian, the black, the white, the old, the young, anyone who needs a voice.  It is down to all of us to help each other and make the world a better place.

Our silence is the greatest weapon that those who want to oppress us have.

Barely two days ago I didn’t think this.  This week has thrown my world around and sent me through an emotional rollercoaster and forced me to re-evaluate how I think of myself and the life I have.  So to those that outted me, those that forced me into this position I genuinely and honestly say ‘thank you’.  Thank you for making me a better person.

Amy.
xx

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