Taking the First Small Steps...Then Getting Knocked Straight Back Down

Having been born physically male my body isn’t feminine, I’m tall, broad and have too large hands and feet.  I am also, unfortunately, bald.  I have been since I was eighteen.  As I have now where near enough money to be able to afford any kind of hair transplant treatment I’ve come to accept that instead I will have to wear a wig in order to pass as female.

Last night was something of a big step for me, it was the first time leaving the house in my wig and letting people other than my parents and sister see it.  I wasn’t going anywhere fancy, just to a friends house where a group of us would be meeting up, a perfectly safe and secure environment with people guaranteed to respond positively.  However, it was one of the most frightening things I’ve had to do.

I don’t know why I was scared, as I said I knew it was a perfectly safe place and I didn’t have to walk their or back wearing it as friends were giving me a ride.  It was silly and irrational but I was completely panicked.  I felt sick, my breathing was all wrong and more than once I wanted to take it off.

However, I tuck with it and went out in the wig, and things went perfectly fine.  I felt comfortable and I received nothing but good comments about it.  I had made that first small step to being comfortable and confident enough to present myself openly as the person I really am and I was happy with myself for having done so.

Unfortunately such feelings couldn’t last.  It seems like I never get to enjoy anything for longer than five minutes.

This morning at breakfast my mum told me that my dad, who has not even mentioned my being trans or anything to do with my situation after first being told, is having trouble with it.  She told me that he’s not comfortable with my wearing the wig around the house, with my wearing female clothes.  In the past he’s also told me not to be barefoot because I’ve got painted toe nails or wear my pyjamas anywhere downstairs as they’re pink.

I’ve known, deep down, for a while now that my dad isn’t comfortable with me being trans, that he doesn’t like it or want it.  But hear it confirmed by my mum is another thing entirely.  Add onto that the fact that he doesn’t really understand it but refuses to talk about it or go and read up about it on his own and it just hurts.  I love my family, but to have my dad be so against it and unwilling to even say anything about it cuts me deep.

Maybe he doesn’t realise just how much pain I’m in because of this, or what I might end up doing to myself if I weren’t to transition.  I don’t know though as he wont talk about it.  How many other people inn the world are going to be against me if at this point my own father doesn’t seem to have my best interest at heart?

Amy.
xx

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Bullied Just For Being Who You Are

Cassidy Lynn Campbell being crowned Homecoming Queen.

Last night I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine about how she’s now more aware of things that could be considered ‘Transphobia’ (though it’s not really a fear, it’s being an arsehole) now that she know me and that she’s friends with a transgender person.  We talked about a comment in her employers dress code and if it could be considered anti-trans.

Realising that simply by knowing someone I was making them potentially more aware of anti-trans sentiment and more open to challenging such views and opinions was great, and I hope that it is not just her but more of my friends who may have had their perception of such things altered.  The more people out there who support trans people and challenge those against them the better a world we will have.

Unfortunately though it seems that for every trans ally there are dozens of enemies.

Last week American high school girl Cassidy Lynn Campbell was crowned as the very first transgender Homecoming Queen.  This was a massive victory not just for her but for the trans community.  It went a long way towards showing just how much more accepting and understanding people are becoming of transgender people and their struggles.  Especially in high school, where we are normally showered by stories of bullying and close-mindedness between teenagers.

Unfortunately Cassidy, simply through being transgender and that alone, became the victim of horrid online abuse.  Now, as far as I’ve been able to find out about Cassidy she’s not a criminal, she’s not a delinquent or drug addict, she’s not a bad student or a bully.  She’s just a normal average teenage girl trying to live her life as best she can.  So why has she been targeted to receive this vicious abuse?  The answer is simple, because of how she was born.

I find it appalling that in this day and age, with advances in medicine and understanding of the transgender condition and with all of this information right at people’s fingertips on the web that there are still so many incorrect views and hatred towards transgender people.

Lets boil it down to the simplest way possible.  Being transgender is not a choice.  It’s not a decision someone makes to fulfil a fetish or ‘challenge society’.  It’s a medical condition, one that you are born with and have no control over whatsoever.

I thank all of the people who know me and support me and go out of their way to help and defend me but I also ask them to defend others like me.  If you come across someone online or even in everyday life who is being bullied for being trans please stand up for them.  Report the abuse and the haters and give the victims your support.

A large part of the world still holds this view that trans people are open to be mocked, ridiculed and hated and that there are no repercussions for doing so.  Only together, by supporting these victims and the transgender community will we be able to stamp out this kind of behaviour and make a better world.

Amy.
xx

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Teenager Attempts Suicide due to Homophobic Teacher.

I’ve just read an article about a student in South Carolina, US, who tried to hang himself after suffering abuse at the hands of his teacher simply for being gay.  The article describes how the young man was verbally bullied in class in front of all of his classmates and friends for an extended period of time.  The teacher, identified as Alan Ingram, identified the student as gay, called him names such as ‘gay boy’ and ‘Mrs Pete’.

It is also reported that Ingram told the students classmates that he was in a relationship with another male classmate and that they were ’boyfriend and girlfriend’.  H also reportedly encouraged the rest of the class to join in the verbal abuse and bullying.

The Original Article at Pinknews.com

The bullying went on for such a long period of time and had such harsh consequences that the student tried to kill himself.  He has since been removed from school and is being home schooled.

It’s a terrible thing when anyone in a position of power abuses that power in order to cause harm to others, especially when those people are being punished simply for being who they are.  It makes it all the worse though when that person is supposed to be in a position to help other.

Teachers are trusted with the safety and wellbeing of children.  It’s there job to shape the hearts and minds of the next generation, to prepare them for the world.  But when a teacher is trying to force such horrific practices on their students, I can’t help but feel sick at the though,

Schools are supposed to teach us the facts not opinions.  Whether we like it or not teachers will have profound effects on the people our children will grow up to become.  They can’t be allowed to get away with this kind of behaviour.  This man, and any other teacher that does the same, should be held fully accountable for their actions and immediately be banned from teaching children ever again.

Amy.
xx

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Refusing Hormone Blockers to Those in Need

Leo Waddell and his mother Hayley.

I’ve just read an article about a young trans boy called Leo that has been refused hormones blockers to halt the onset of puberty.  The article outline how the family doctor refused to issue the important medication as she was unsure how the drugs would effect Leo later in life.  Leo is quite understandably devastated by the decision and is searching out other doctors who will prescribe the hormone blockers.

The original article at the Mirror.

This article had me thinking though, I wished that I’d known I was trans when I was that young and could have had the chance to take hormone blockers.

I hate the way I am right now, my body disgusts and upsets me.  And it’s not just because it’s male instead of female.  It’s because of the effects that puberty and testosterone had on me.  I’m too tall, my shoulders too broad, my hands and feet are too big, my voice is too deep, my body too hairy and my head too bald.

I’m not inn a good position to start transitioning from, the results won’t be good.  I’ve seen people that have had luckier puberties and transitioned well, and those that got to start transitioning so young that they received the blockers and I can’t help but feel incredibly jealous about it.

Denying Leo these important drugs could have devastating consequences for him.  It’s not just a bad decision to deny him the medication, it’s down right cruel.

Amy.
xx

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Should Supernatural Have Ended With Season 5?

First of all I think that it’s important that I start this article by stating that I’m a fan of the show, and really enjoy seasons 6 onwards.  This isn’t somewhere where I’m just going to be tearing apart the last three years of the show, it’s going to try and be a fairly reasonable thought out question.

Having read through a number of interviews and behind the scenes articles it’s become very clear that Eric Kripke, the former show runner, had a very clear plan in mind from the very start of the show and that the culmination of the apocalypse story arc was his endgame.

If the show had ended we'd have had less Crowley...

Throughout the fifth season it becomes increasingly clearer that many of the plot elements of previous seasons were in place to lead up to this point, as we saw in the season four finale where it was revealed that the original villain Azazel, or ‘yellow eyes’, and season three and four villain Lilith were not only connected, but were all working towards the rise of Lucifer.

The fact that Kripke left at the end of season five further reinforces the idea that the show could have come to an end at that point.  Much of that final episode was even made in such a way that it felt like an ending, from Chuck’s beautiful narration of the Impala to the montage as Sam remembers all of the good times he had with his brother.  The show had a natural conclusion at that point, even with the revelation in the final moments that Sam escaped the prison.

....or the deepening of the mythology and introduction of
the Leviathans.

On the other hand, however, we’ve had some great story lines since season five and some massive additions to the shows mythology, such as Purgatory and the Leviathans.  Some of the shows best episodes came after season five.  ‘A Weekend at Bobby’s’ and ‘The French Mistake’ are prime examples of the show at it’s greatest.

Despite some of these additions and some stand out episodes the quality just hasn’t felt the same since season five, the stakes just not quite as high.  I’m still enjoying the show and I’m definitely intrigued to see what direction they’re going to take after the shocking conclusion to season eight, but I’m still hoping that the show picks up in quality just a little bit.

With the main stars signed up until season ten I’m and the game changing end of season eight I’m hoping that the creative team has another big plan in mind, and when the time finally does come for the show to come to its conclusion it better be epic!

Amy.
xx

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Flora Publishes Homophobic Advert

A recent advertisement from margarine giant Flora has come under some serious criticism and has received a number of complains by comparing coming out as gay to your father to being shot through the heart.

Set on a pink background a bullet made up from the words ‘Uhh Gad, I’m Gay’ flies towards a human heart made from china.  At the bottom of the poster next to the Flora logo are the words ‘you need a strong heart today’.

Flora, which is owned by the consumer group Unilever, has come under a barrage of criticism from various individuals as well as a number of gay rights groups that find the advertisement homophobic.  A spokesman from the gay rights group Stonewall said that ‘Many people will find this advert offensive and inappropriate’.

However, a spokesperson from Unilever responded with the following statement, ‘This advert was prepared by an external agency in South Africa and was not approved by anyone at Unilever.  The advert is offensive and unacceptable and we have put an immediate stop to it’.

The question remains however as to how the advertisement was released in the first place if it had not received any prior improvement from Unilever.

Amy.
xx

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